Diary of Wisdom and Love

For two weeks I waited patiently

Urmston Library, UK

Like water flowing down a stream, time ebbed on.
I waited every day and Our Lord’s gifts were given to me.

He took me on a journey through the local parks.
He took me to the library where I listened to the music He had given me.
I sat and waited in the local coffee shops and bars waiting to be released.
I received my tablet and phone just like Our Lord said it would be.
For four hours a day, I had the freedom to write.
The freedom to listen to music.
The freedom for Our Lord to sing deep into my soul.
I slept for hours each night, and Our Lord provided me with what was like a coma.

Then the day came, today, the day before I will return home for 8 hours of leave.

They have taken everything from me, the doctors, the nurses, they have destroyed who I was.
I have had to take my diary offline.
No one will know what it is I am writing until I am married.
But they cannot stop me writing.

In secret, I am forced to disclose what the Lord God has told me to say.
In public, I am forced to deny Him.
Each week, I am forced to deny The Lord God’s Word breathing into my soul.
A lie, The Lord has told me to say.
A lie, The Lord has told me to say every time I am asked until I am with my wife.

My wife will know what has been.
My wife will know what harm they have done to me.
She will marry me with full knowledge of the protection I need from her.
She will marry me knowing that Our Lord is speaking in Me, from Me and for her and I and the children of her birth.

There is one thing I do not want to admit in this diary: the Lord Our God is talking to me every day, though quietly He talks. As if to say to me that I must try to speak in Truth, even when faced with adversity.

Indeed He is quiet.
Indeed He is not speaking to me in the way He once was.
But this will not go on forever.
Albeit those times are for me, in quietness and prayer I hear Him.

For 9 months I must work to restore my finances to where they were.
For 9 months I must deny Him to the doctors, the Care Coordinator of the CMHT, the psychiatrists who will treat me, and most importantly my entire family.

But I have a friend in Wayne.
My dear brother in Jesus Christ, suffering a different kind of Way in my absence.
I know He speaks from Our Lord.
I know He speaks the Truth given to him by the Lord Our God.

In him, I will confide.

“Timothy, what you are doing is not wrong.
It is time to break free of the NHS.
It is time to find Life from Me once more.
Lying is wrong.
Reconcile what others will call sinful to Me.
I am your Judge.
I am your Counsellor.
I am your Advocate.
I am your God.”

Lord Jesus, I entrust my life to You.
Lord Jesus, my Love, my Life, I am Yours.

I am of You, with You, and I believe in Your Providence.

I am near You, in You, with You, of You.
I pray to Your Sweet Heart whenever I need You.
I pray to Your Sweet Heart and You are there, right beside me in my hour of need.

Never leave me, Jesus.
Always find the Way for me to be with You.
And this is the Way you have shown me.

To belittle their plans to incarcerate me.
To scorn their words inwardly and let them do what they do to me publicly.

And no one but Wayne will know what is happening.
Until it is done.

Always be with me, Jesus.
Always be near me, Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Never desert me, Jesus.
Never desert me to those heathen mongrels of the NHS, Our Lord Jesus Christ.

I love You, Lord Jesus.
I need You, Lord Jesus.
I adore You, O Christ.

Let Your Holy Will be done,
on Earth, as it is in Heaven.